Signs of an Orgasm
Q: I read your post on the female orgasm and have a few additional questions. Most of the time during intercourse, for myself, even with clitoral stimulation, nothing comes out of my body. Although I get somewhat tired and dry after a few hours, nothing happens. Is this tired/full feeling my orgasm? Also, although I do go to the bathroom before, I have still urinated during sex, though it was not yellow as most times mine is clear, though the smell was there. In the past 12 years of my sexual life, I have had maybe 10 orgasms that I saw or heard. Is there any way to help or recognize when it happens?
A: What are you expecting to come out of your body? It sounds like you are talking about female ejaculation, which some women experience and may have actually happened to you from what I see you have described. Women who ejaculate will experience first a sense of needing to urinate, even if they have just emptied their bladders. What comes out is not urine as it is clear, but may still contain a little bit of urine that is still present. If you have experienced this type of release, then it is most likely that you have orgasmed. As for the dryness you experience, when women are aroused, they lubricate, but they may not necessarily notice it as the moisture is inside the vagina. After extensive stimulation, often followed by an orgasm, a woman may start to feel dry again. I’m not sure what you are expecting to feel from your orgasm. Oftentimes women expect some “explosion” of sorts, and so they may not recognize that they may have in fact climaxed. The feeling is one of buildup leading to some muscle tension and then a feeling of muscle relaxation. Remember that not all orgasms will feel the same. Some may be stronger than others. Some women have described orgasms as feeling like a sneeze all the way to feeling explosive. This varies woman to woman and from encounter to encounter. So you may not always “see” it or “hear” it.
Difficulty With Orgasm
Q: I have had different sexual partners, but there hasn’t been one that has been able to make me orgasm, there have been times I feel like I am close to it but it usually goes away right away. I have tried to masturbate and still haven’t reached the orgasm it makes me feel like I am half way it often makes me feel frustrated. I have tried different positions, thinking about a fantasy, porn, and foreplay. I do get aroused but sometimes mid-act it goes away or I feel bored and uninterested, I have had good sex where I feel like I am about to reach orgasm but I can’t enjoy it because I don’t feel the climax, I don’t know what I could do to feel like I actually enjoy sex, or how I can enjoy it.
A: It is not up to a partner to make you orgasm. For women, orgasms have a lot more to do with their brains than with their genitals. What I mean by that is that if your mind is not completely relaxed and you feel distracted during sex by your thoughts, then this will interfere with your ability to orgasm since you are no longer focused on the pleasure your body is feeling. It is important for you to focus on the foreplay where you can get enough clitoral stimulation. It could be that you are getting “bored” with intercourse because it is not getting you to where you expect. Please know that the vast majority of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. Also, the more goal-oriented you are, sometimes the more difficult it is to orgasm. Try to enjoy the journey and the pleasure your body provides you. I’m also wondering what you expect an orgasm to feel like. I often meet women who tell me that they expect some huge sensation and get frustrated when they don’t and then interpret that as not having an orgasm at all. An orgasm can feel differently at different times and with different sexual experiences. An orgasm usually involves a build up, a tensing of the muscles, and a feeling of release. But that release is not always intense. My best advice to you is to stop worrying about this, relax, focus on your sensations and let go of expectations. Just enjoy the journey!